The Internet is killing me

The Internet is killing me.

The digital world is ruining my life.

It's the things that I see, the endless river of photos and headlines that are eroding my innermost core.

Being online is chipping away at my soul and creating a world that I wish I could unsee.

A fraction of the lives of others, snapshots of someone else's reality that isn't even real.

Be prettier.
Work harder.
Value things more and people less. Buy this thing you never really wanted, spend all your money it will all work out.
Earn your self worth with every 'like' and right swipe.

All of this at the expense of character, integrity, and honor.

I keep gaining followers but I wouldn't even follow myself.

If I were on the outside looking in I would be hypnotized by the happy pictures and encouraging posts but from the inside I know it's not always picture perfect.

Life is dirty.
Life is gritty and nasty and hard.

Life is about hard truths not pretty doses of moments so fleeting that I can't even remember them without my Instagram.

Whatever happened to making phone calls?

The anxiety is overwhelming "what if they answer?"
What if they do?

There was purpose in conversation and meaning in giving time and now we are all dispensing a text here and there and substituting face time with FaceTime.

I have to pull myself out of this ugly and painful fictitious realm or I'll never really experience life as I know it.

The Internet is killing me.

We have to break up.

It is what it is

The sun of my world rises and sets with thoughts of you.

You warm my skin and light my eyes.

Your touch sets me on fire and I burn with passion for you.

You were my knight in shining armor

You turned out to be Prince Charming

now you're the King of all of me.

Mind

Body

Soul

I love you.

I delight myself in fantasies of us together.

I long in moments of distance to feel you near me again.

There is no greater desire within me than to serve you with my love unmeasurable.

You are the absolute for me.

I can rest in the knowledge of your love for me.

I feel sublimely perfect when your eyes are on me.

There is nothing sweeter than your kiss.

If with you is how I will spend the rest of my days then ultimately my search for happiness has ended

I have found in you what I have always known I'd be searching for.

You are love

and we, are perfect.

Risky Business

I feel you

Shake the ground I'm standing on

The cracks in the walls I built are forming effortlessly

You're finding me

Getting through to me

and the cement in the bricks of my guard hasn't dried yet.

You've found a way to get through

Who are you?

Why me?

Why the walls I built?

Why not someone else with less to conquer.

Do you know what you're getting yourself into?

I don't want you.

Yes I do.

I'm a liar

I have demons hiding on this side of the fence

You should fear the darker side of me

I fear you

Your ability to crush me

The way you'll look at me

The things you'll say to me

The way you'll love me.

I don't want you.

Yes I do.

I'm in my darkest night

But I'm safe here in the dark. . .

You're not worth the risk. . .

Please don't make me do this again. . .

You're going to be the newest death of the current "me"

Stay tuned for my ultimate surrender. . .

We all know it's inevitable.

Through the Airwaves

I hear the song from your heart to mine from a million miles away

I wonder if you hear mine in return. . .

It's a simple song for your heart to enjoy

All that the sound waves are saying is "I miss you"

Impatiently I wait for the day I can feel your skin with mine. . .

Until then my dear I'll be sending you my love through the distance.

You'll never find static on the airwaves

because there is no interrupting my hearts cry for you

I could be a fool, but fools have all the fun

I hope you can feel it baby

My love

Through the airwaves.

The Machine

It's amazing; the power of doing nothing. There is so much involved in this world. I find the loved ones around me struggling tirelessly to fit into this living breathing machine of bodies moving fluidly through life with minor set backs and ultimately no goal.

We are a mechanism of struggle; man. There is so much intensity poured into the idea of becomming someone, when ultimately we have all been someone all along.

As I sit here, immersed in the life around me, the world spins, children laugh, birds play, trees move in the cool breeze, lovers hold hands and ignore everything aside from the look in each others eyes. The world doesn't stop because I chose to sit on a bench and live on it for a moment.

I recognize that this is life. I'm indulging myself in the realization that this is not about me. There is a greater intelligence to this utter nonsense. There is happiness when I am void of it, there is sadness when I have no reason for it. It exists whether I need it to be applicable or not. There is no "me" in this machine, there is only "us." We all exist at once, keeping the machine in working order.

I am happy to coexist on this planet with you. All of you. There is not a single person I would choose to exclude because without that one soul choosing and living we would be without a very important wheel in the clock of life.

I'm a small part of this moving breathing machine of life around us and I'm choosing to be a dormant part of this symphony of voices and lives for one day just to sit back and watch the stories around me unfold.

It's amazing what happens when you don't DO anything, you just simply go with the flow. The flow doesn't stop. The direction changes as organisms choose their paths, however it is unceasing. There is no greater opportunity than now to become a fixture in this machine of life. You are already a creation of it's never ending change, a product of choices of millions of intricate pieces working together to create life as we know it.

When you see it, actually see the world as the mechanism that it is, you will be completely captivated by it's intricacy. All of it's parts working independantly but together simultaneously.

I've seen it, the machine. It's a work of art that only heavenly inventors could design. It has changed me. I am a piece of this beautiful creation.

I am a human. I am a collection of choices that alter the production of the machine I was born into. When you see it, you will understand.

Once upon a time...

I had such a beautiful fairytale in you

But I closed the book today,

who believes in fairytales anyway...

I've been here before

I should've known better

who would have thought some lessons can't be taught in experience...

A little voice inside of me screamed,

as if closing the book ended the life of that little dream,

A piece of me died today,

but I closed the book anyway...

I'd give anything to know you again

what a silly thing to hope for.

I know better,

I should've known better.

Your tall tale will kill me.

whoever she is will finish the story ...

my heart is already breaking piece by piece for your happiness.

I tried you,

I failed you,

what an attempt I made...

But who are you anymore,

a fairytale is more believable to me these days...

I'll give myself all the credit for our demise,

this story won't be told for the children,

a story such as this makes no headlines in once upon a time,

so here's one for the tabloids...

I thought we'd break the mold

I thought I had it down, I mastered my needs...

but that day will most likely never come for me...

Here's to a story no one will ever tell

and here's the ending I know so well...

take your story and move on with another big adventure...

I won't worry that I was never good enough,

I made history with this love,

you'll never fully know it's extent, to my own credit.

This day marks the end of you and me,

It's a day that will be written in my history

and I will never forget you for you who you could'nt be,

now you're just once upon a time to me...